The Power of Emotional Insight in Coaching
How do you know what someone needs when they don't say it out loud?
When it comes to coaching, a lot of what matters isn't directly stated. It's often felt, sensed, it’s inferred. As a coach, it's important to be able to read between the lines of a client's words, understanding their tone, their posture, and how they pause. Very often, it’s their eyes that can convey so much.
A few months ago, I came across a fascinating tool developed by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues: the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test. It measures a specific slice of emotional intelligence, and identifies how well you can determine someone’s mental state just from the expression in their eyes. As a coach, this struck me as more than just an interesting quiz. Why? Well, it opened me up to reflecting upon how we tune into others, and how we build the kind of deep, intuitive connection that effective coaching requires.
Close-Up Photography of a Woman by Min An
Why emotional attunement matters in coaching
Coaching isn't just about asking the right questions or creating the right goals. It's also about knowing when to pause, when to probe, and when to simply be present. That's where emotional attunement comes in. Being able to read subtle, often unspoken cues, such as a flicker of hesitation or a brief look of discomfort, can make the difference between a surface-level conversation and a transformative one.
This kind of insight allows coaches to:
Build stronger rapport: Recognising when a client is disengaged or unsure helps us shift our approach in real-time.
Respond to non-verbal feedback: Sometimes a client says "yes" with words but "no" with their expression. Spotting that allows us to go deeper.
Support with cultural sensitivity: Whilst expressions can vary across cultures, many emotional signals are universal. Tuning into these helps us to create a safe and inclusive space.
These skills aren’t just useful for coaches, they’re essential and set the best apart from the rest.
A personal reflection on taking the test
I decided to take the test myself, not once, but twice. I first scored 33 out of 36, and a few months later, 30 out of 36. I was curious… Had anything changed? Was I more distracted the second time? Less attuned?
Regardless of the numbers, what the experience highlighted for me was how this kind of perception shows up in everyday coaching. Being able to read a shift in a client's energy, to notice when their story and their body language diverge, helps me ask better questions, change tone, or shift gears. It allows me to hold space for what isn’t being said.
That said, I know this is just one aspect of coaching. Emotional intelligence is multi-faceted. It includes active listening, trust-building, empathy, and helping clients move from insight to action. This test measures one valuable skill, but it’s not the whole picture.
Close-Up Photography of Eye by Josh Sorenson
The test’s limits (and why the skill still matters)
Like any self-contained assessment, the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test has its limitations. It's completely absent of context because it doesn’t account for tone or body language. It may also be culturally biased in subtle ways because of how and where the test was devised (Great Britain). It's also static and real-life coaching is anything but that.
But this doesn’t mean that the test isn’t useful. It reminded me that emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a practice. EQ is important to nurture, reflect on, and refine over time.
Bringing it back to you
If you're a coach, founder, or leader, how do you read between the lines, how do you decipher what is unspoken? Have you ever sensed a deeper story behind someone’s words, and followed that thread into something transformative?
I’d love to hear how emotional intelligence shows up in your work. Have you taken the Eyes Test? What do you notice in your own interactions?